I Can't Post anymore: Oh Brain, Where Art Thou?

It's been quite a while since I've posted! I wish I could say I just haven't been inspired, but that's so not the case. I even think about blogging on a daily basis, and think "hmm, I should blog this later," but I never seem to. Oh dear, what to do, what to do??!!??!! Anyway, it appears I just finished putting a prezi together, and all I can say is I love having simple prezis. I hate when too much crap is spinning around and text is flying everywhere and flashy lights are blinding you. It's pure torture. I guess I should take this time to write my presentation on little note cards so I don't make an ass out of myself at the conference Sister Witch and I will be attending, but that's so not happening right now. The truth is, nothing is happening right now. Well, the dove outside had it's babies, but that's about it. Speaking of that rude bird, I noticed her feeding her children birdies, and right as she noticed me she stopped! What a bitch! Even birds don't trust humans. No one and nothing in nature trusts anyone or anything else!!!!! We are damned! Dear Tall, non-fat, hot latte...can you kick in now? Thanks. Even latte's are conspired against me. All hail the Hello Kitty school supplies, they never seem to fail me. On this note, sweet dreams to all, and to ALL a good night.

Blueberry Donuts?

Today I made a very important and fascinating discovery. Apparently, there is a magical donut shop near Disneyland, called M&M donuts, where they prepare mouthgasmic creations. Today at Casa de --------'s I shamelessly consumed a blueberry donut. Crispy on the outside, purple-blue moist on the inside with mushy blueberries, my mouth turned into a consuming slut instantaneously. I started off with half a donut, then proceeded to eat the rest always chewing and wanting more, taking whatever was willing to go into my mouth, down my esophagus, and into my tummy where little pink men are stomping on it right now with their little pink boots to push it into my, currently donutless, intestines. Though I always joke about it, soon I will actually poop glitter. This isn't your ordinary digestive process, no no, this is pure magic(k).

Cheese

Cheese. 3 selections, or 5 selections. We will be ordering 5 selections.

Cheese makes everything better. If cheese does not cure us, nothing will.

Pink Trees. No Santa.

To preserve my sanity, yes...there is little hope left, I took two walks today. The weather was absolutely perfect, and at that moment nothing was more soothing than the sound of my boots crunching the pink-orange leaves that Autumn so graciously presented to me. As I breathed in the pre-rain air and my heart was almost happy, it donned on me that fifteen Anglo-Saxon scholars were at home waiting to "converse" with me over coffee. We sat around the dining room table, and one by one they molested my brain with their thoughts on gender, monstrosity, knowledge, etc. Soon I will incorporate their thoughts and become one of them, as I try desperately to hold on to my own.

Authority, check.

Thesis, check.

Use,...ch..eh..ckk.

How artificial. Authority replaces preference, coffee replaces passion, and hallucination replaces sleep. That's ok. Grandpa once said, "It will be Christmas soon." But at Costco the witch beat Santa. She claimed they don't belong in the same aisle. Santa can't ride his sled with a broken arm and a black eye, and Rudolph just got a DUI for drunk flying...honestly though, can you blame him? I mean, his job sucks.

Metamorphosis: The De-construction of Albeanz

I have undergone metamorphosis and am now officially a machine. Fuck, what have I done. Goodbye, sleep. Goodbye, sanity. Goodbye, Albeanz :(

Facebook, dost thou judge me?

As my previous post/blog states, I have stayed away from online communities for quite some time now. However, due to some probing from a few friends, I have decided to give Facebook another try, but this time on my own terms. This means that I will not feel guilted into adding family, a friend of a close friend, etc. If my aunt wants to call my Grandma and tell her how disrespectful I am for not adding her, she can go right ahead!! I'm not exaggerating, mind you, nosy Armenian women would like nothing better than to shame me for my lack of kebob skills, a.k.a non-Armenian choices, and truthfully, I'd like nothing better than to provide them with premeditated absurdities to feed off of.

While it may seem as though I became an ex-Facebook hussy strictly due to familial preposterousness, I actually left the seductive community because my curiosities disabled me from reaching my full potential as a good human being. Countless hours would be spent stalking and posting rather than doing something productive. With that said, I did something bad today, and if it happens again I will have to say goodbye to Facebook forever this time...

Two Halloweens ago I met a boy (well, actually, a man considerably older than I, though not by too much...whatever that means) who asked me out on a date. I guess we can refer to him as his costume character, the "Chick Magnet." Naturally, I declined because I am in a long-term relationship. So, anywho, two years later, I decided to do a little "harmless" FB search, just to see what he's up to. Afterall, we were sort of friends for a little while, though this does not justify my "sely" actions. His profile is on a semi-private mode, but does reveal that he is now married, and his profile picture is that of a newborn infant, I'm assuming his. Simply put, this freaked me the f--- out. He knew this person during the months that we were friends, therefore, hypothetically speaking, had I abandoned my relationship and accepted a date I would have either been briefly used for momentary fun or ended up being Mrs. Chick Magnet. As my S.W. (Sister Witch) pointed out, there is no in-between in this situation, I would have definitely been one or the other. My point, though I guess I don't really have a singular one, is that all of these non-experienced emotions permeated my mind because of a stupid FB search. Not only that, I began to question myself, and my choices...why did I search this person? I had no intention of adding him, I don't even really know or care about him, so why did I do it? Am I bad person? Is FB a metaphorical Garden of Eden of which I am about to get kicked out of due to curiosity's temptation? I mean, this scenario caused me to think of myself as potentially used and/or wedded, although neither of these two things occurred! Mayhaps I am simply being punished for my sely ways... 

Twister, the Cat

Sadly, I have been estranged from the online communication world for quite some time. Silly me, I've been too wrapped up doing absolutely nothing totally important for my soul, eh, but it happens to the best of us. Well, it must, anyway, if it's happening to me. Anywho, there are a number of reasons why I decided to this. 1) it's fun, and no one is really reading this anyway 2) Why not? No one is really reading this anyway 3) You should all (however little of you that may be) know about Twister, the cat...

I am quite a fan of my routine walks with my special someone, who I will continually refer to as Nabasdag. Almost every time Nabasdag and I take our walk we run into Twister, the neighborhood cat. This ball of fluff is without a doubt the friendliest kitty one has every met or will ever meet. She runs up to us as soon as we enter her realm of semi-unique suburbia, walks along for quite a while, and leaves off at exactly the same spot every single time, waiting for my return the next day. After days of encountering this kitty and petting her adorably furry head, my eye caught the inscription on her collar..."Twister." Is there anything more precious? Uh, hell yea, little baby Tatt...although Tatt, the ferocious kitty of the .....ian household would probably be jealous if she knew of Twister. I simply love my furry group of friends, I hope we can all go out for bourbon soon.