Fallwintery

While it’s always nice to hear the familiar jingle of “it’s the most wonderful time of the year,” it’s sort of been the most wonderful time of the year since late August, early September. I don’t usually have a problem with celebrating the holidays longer – I love the smell of pumpkin spice, cinnamon, and that peculiar cranberry scent that is supposedly cranberry but doesn’t smell a thing like it – but it still is a bit odd. I remember waltzing into Costco towards the end of summer and finding relief that the only wreaths in sight were autumn ones. Naturally that didn’t last long. Come Halloween and you can buy a witch along with a Santa.

            However, my intention is not to keep repeating the bullshit others are saying, such as “the world is changing to a worse place,” or “holidays have become all about making money.” While some of these assertions may have more than a bit of truth to them, who really cares? My fear, I think, is a far more legitimate and probable one; there may eventually be a Santa-Witch hybrid, a creature that is both evil and good, can fly on a broom stick and on a sleigh when we are fast asleep, a creature who will both steal children and toss them gifts down the chimney. The combination is so perverse, and it makes me wonder, will Santa be more evil, or will the corporate gods create a well-intentioned holiday witch? And, will we celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas throughout autumn and early winter? Or, would these holidays maintain their designated time slots, but include all fall/wintery decorations? Hmm, fallwintery, that has a ring to it, kind of like it was always meant to be…

            Another significant aspect that this Costcoian “research” brings up is that Thanksgiving is clearly the middle child of these three holidays. In either scenario, that of the present day and future fallwintery celebrations, Thanksgiving is almost always lost, and either follows the leftovers of Halloween’s bones, skulls, witches, and goblins, or is merely the opening band for Christmas decorations. Thanksgiving doesn’t even really prepare us for Christmas, because we can usually buy those decorations simultaneously. Once Halloween is over all pilgrims and sleigh bells are up for grabz. One Holiday Order is slowly approaching us. I hope your closets are readily packed with individually specified holiday boxes so that when the Fallwintery Holiday Combination Battles begin you are fully armed and prepared.